Authentic Leadership Begins with Self-Connection
It's Tessa here, continuing our conversation about authentic leadership.
Through both my own journey, as well as my work with leaders and teams, I have come to believe strongly that authentic leadership begins with self-connection.
The more self-connected you are the more you are able to hear your intuition, move with purpose, and show up from a grounded place. On the flip slide, without self-connection leaders can be reactive, move in fear-based ways that block progress, and contribute to unpredictable workplace environments.
So what is self-connection? Klussman, Curtin, Langer, and Nichols define self-connection as consisting of three components:
An awareness of oneself
An acceptance of oneself based on this awareness
An alignment of one’s behavior with this awareness
In other words, to be in deep relationship with yourself you need to 1) know who you are at your core, 2) accept that person, and then 3) align your behaviors with this deep understanding.
Easy enough right? Not really… Unfortunately many (if not most of us) have not had the opportunity to really get to know our true selves. We have developed our sense of self within oppressive and exploitative systems that value certain parts of us more than others, that keep us moving at a frantic place that is antithetical to self discovery, that surrounds us with false narratives, and that more often than not equates vulnerability with weakness.
When we are self-connected, we are more confident to move into the unknown, take risks, and try new things. We are more connected to our inner resources and aware of what might be activating to us and where we might need support from others. These are key manifestations of authentic leadership.
Paradoxically, those of us in leadership positions are also often very visible, so our mistakes are also more visible, which can make us hesitant to put our authentic selves out there. I know I have felt that in my own leadership journey. At this stage in my career any misstep is so much more public and consequential than when I was just starting out. And yet, I am still learning, growing, changing, developing, and so as my seasons turn I also get to take risks and make changes to how I show up in the world.
I believe that self-connection is the antidote to fear. In deeply getting to know ourselves - all the good, bad, and ugly pieces of ourselves - we actually get to transcend fear. We get to know so deeply that we can handle whatever comes because we have so many resources within ourselves and the humility to ask for support where we need it.
When we move from a place of fear, we are blocking opportunities and breakthroughs from coming to us. And the people around us can tell. In my experience, the number one barrier to authenticity is fear. Those fears that tell us to play small and not to open ourselves to possibilities (both good and challenging) are self-protection mechanisms that we have developed over our lives, often in response to negative experiences. And with self-connection we get to notice that self-protection strategy, say “Thank you for all you have done to protect me. You have helped me get to where I am. And I don’t need that protection anymore,” and move towards what we want.
Now Leaders, I want to be very clear here that the goal is not to never feel fear. I am afraid often in fact. The goal is to notice when fear is showing up, spend a minute saying “hello old friend, I see you”, and to check in with yourself about where that fear is coming from.
Is it that you might fail?
Is it that you might lose connection and belonging?
Is it that you might have to confront past harm you caused?
Is it that you might look like you don’t know what you’re doing in front of your team?
These are all common fears I hear from clients and have experienced myself. We get to feel the fear, and then we get to do it (whatever “it” is for you) anyway! Because we have the inner resources to move through whatever comes next.
Self-connection is absolutely critical in equity and justice work. There are so many messages out there swirling around about what it means to be “good,” “enough,” and “doing it right”. It can be very confusing to know how to show up in this work. This is true for both people of color - who are often told to share their experiences but also not to be too direct or passionate - and white people - who are often told to both do more and do less to make space. These messages can be contradictory and confusing. And often there is a lot of fear of, and sometimes actual risk in, getting it wrong or making a mistake.
This is where self-connection comes in. When you have done your own internal work and are intentionally moving in alignment with your core self, values, and beliefs you can turn down the volume on the voices outside. This is not to say you won’t ever behave in a way that creates impact for someone else. You will. And when that inevitably happens you will be able to respond from a place of self-connection, and be present to and repair that harm.
To close, I’ll share a brief personal anecdote. When we first started Canopy I had major imposter syndrome. I was meeting with high-level leaders who were turning to me for support and advice, I was building a business with no idea what I was doing, and I am a white person leading equity work. I was in a constant battle with my inner critic who was shouting at me that I was in over my head and was going to publicly fail, get called out as a fraud, and let down a lot of people in the process. I was afraid all the time. To support myself to move through this difficult time I wrote myself a note and kept it next to my computer. It listed out the things that I knew to be true, and one of them was “whatever comes, I can handle it”. It wasn’t convincing myself that I had the chops that got me through that time, it was trusting that I had within me the resources to rise to the occasion and move through whatever would come. That is self-connection.
We can never promise ourselves or others that we have all the answers, that we are completely prepared, or that we can control the future. And for the most part, that isn’t what our teams are asking us to do. What we can do is connect to that well inside of ourselves where our power comes from, and say “I can do this.” And that inspires confidence from those around us. And as we take each step forward, we gather data, we take in feedback, we learn and grow, and we see over time that we can do this, we are doing it.
Building self-connection is WORK. And it’s an investment in yourself, in your team, and in the just world we are building together. It is so worth it.
So, what comes up for you reading this?
Where do you experience fear as a leader, and how does that get in the way of what you want?
When in the past have you experienced deep connection and alignment, and what behaviors came from there?
What opportunities for deeper self-connection do you see in your leadership?
I’d love to hear from you!
Send a note and let me know some of your reflections and any questions you have.
With love,
Tessa
